Reviews
Girl 16
After a merciless coffee binge, Andreas (Antonio Banderas) spends a fitful night, tossing and turning, having countless nightmares about his checkered past. He awakes with a start, sweat beading on his face and naked chest, but with one thing fixed on his mind: “Girl… 16… I … must… play… that… mark.” He slumps into a heap, exausted, but with a supremely confident smirk on his face. It is from here the complex plot of how to play the 1:00pm mark before the draw-break, unfolds.
Girl 16 stars Bernard Hazel as the splendid Aga Dore (Al Gore’s maternal cousin) and costars that fellah from that movie… whatyacallitagain? (neither could be remembered up to press time) and is directed by Hansley Ajodah.
A Jomox production in association with the National Lotteries Control Board. Distributed by hand at the City Gate Terminal.
Sevin
When a deadly computer virus is discovered by computer hacker/geek type, Noris (played by Denzil Washington), it’s already too late. The mayhem has already begun.
The sinister plot of a madcap virologist/computer graphic artist/belly dancer, Fran (Fran Dreshler), is to morph the computerised special effects of the Cuba Gooding Jr cult classic, “Outbreak”, with the cast of “101 Dalmatians”. But it backfires in her face; as she looks on, the virus takes on unprescedented dimentions and the monkey from outbreak becomes chummy with the dogs from 101. The outcome is a violent, though sometimes touching, confrontation when jungle beast meets domesticated cartoon house pet. Sevin stars Meg Ryan as Noris’ love slave.
A Quentin Tarrentino film by Jomox Productions.
12 Honkeys
A huge mystery surrounds the non-arrival of Rudolfo (a Prince-Charming type, played by Hugh Grant), but when Studley (Paquito Vasquez of Pepsi cliff diving fame), a late addition to the growing dwarf community, confesses his love for the still preserved Snow Lightskinned, all suspicious and stubby dwarf fingers point to him as the most likely culprit. When Rudolfo’s mangled corpse is found lying in the bed of Sexy (played by Kate Moss), yet another addition to the traditional fairy tale, doubts begin to surface and life in the happy forest clearing begins to take on a new, sinister twist. But it’s when Snow’s glass coffin turns up empty the morning after the Five New Dwarves Minority Power Sharing Caucus meeting, they realize that all’s not as hi-ho as the original seven would have them think.
12 Honkeys stars Harvey Keitel, Mel Brooks, Kevin Costner, Ice Cube, Ice T, Vanilla Ice, Snow, Jim Carrey, Lavar Burton, Paquito Vasquez, Kate Moss and Sandra Bullock as Snow Lightskinned. Also starring Albert Laveau as Unlikely Dwarf and Michael Cherrie as Starboy Dwarf.
Directed by Gary Coleman. This is not a full height – uh, length feature film.
Dirty Dozen
It’s all downhill when you come to realize that the plot in a movie cannot get any deeper. If that comes late enough in the film, a thin plot can be gotten away with. But when you realixe that the plot is given away before you even see the studio’s marquee go up, it’s a little hard to stay seated. This is a film about a guy who walks into a bakery and buys 12 hops bread; the bag bursts and the bread (and the story) falls out of the weak bottom. How do these movies get made? The answer is as clear a day when you find out that the producer is the same guy who tried to get Spike Lee acting work in someone else’s movie. “The power of the script moved me,” said Gerard Joseph, director.
A production of Kiss Filmery, a subsidiary of Kiss Bakery.