A Phone Sex Primer

RECIPE FOR A…
The regularly scheduled feature will be pre-empted for this month only. In its place would be this equally entertaining instruction manual.

A PHONE SEX PRIMER
Get comfortable, preferably with a hands free phone…you and your partner should relax with casual conversation; pets, current affairs…politics and religion should be avoided at all costs.

On Introducing sex: The direct method could be as simple as “sooo…when last yuh fuck?” This might be the best method for drawing out that shy or repressed partner; you shock them and thus automatically you are in control.

Feigned innocence or a vague response will lead into other sometimes more stimulating subject areas. However, the direct approach should be used with care and for shock value only, since this approach tends to dominate the conversation and, as with all sexual encounters, gratification should be shared.

Less direct approaches: like the double entendre method are best suited for those conversants who are either well connected intellectually, are in-tuned mentally or already in a state of mild sexual arousal. This way the hidden meaning is more obvious to the receiver and more subtle and less suggestive phrasing may be used. This method is great for those intellectuals who may find a direct approach offensive or macoshus. At some point the direct method may be required though, because it is the best way to get to the heart of the point.

Examples of this type can involve phrases that include references to how hot it is, or you are, or how you got so wet today…in the rain. Or: it was really hard at work today…the job of course, what did you think I meant?

Careful intonation can be very suggestive and need not be sexually specific to be effective. You can talk about just anything with the right…pauses…and the most mundane subject becomes a sexually charged 1-900 sex hotline. Your voice is the singular most important communicative medium in a telephone conversation, so it is very important that your voice portrays the heightened tension and carries the subliminal message that you’re turned on.

You must also remember that, as with all sexual encounters, phone sex can happen at anytime anywhere, so that innocent call to your pager-service can turn into an intense, gratifying sexual connection. It all depends on the mood that is set. New ground is being set via the Internet, and virtual sex can for millions of people, be just as satisfying as the “real thing”. But a sad reminder of the times we live in is the issue of protection from internetually transmitted diseases; read viruses!
So sit back, put your legs up and dial that friend you’ve been meaning to call about that thing or the other…

Dennis’Tayé’ Allen