Of Men and Bicycles
Of Men & Bicycles
For the first time in my life, I know what it feels like to be horned. It feels like I’m wearing a dunce cap with a big red ‘H’ on it and everybody – is getting kicks over my misery. This is all a bit melodramatic, because the horn I’m in such a mess about occurred years earlier and was perpetrated by a lowlife I dropped as many years ago.
Because maybe I’m the only woman who still theorises about that notion we call exclusivity. Especially the kind not borne out of the fear of a life-threatening STD.
Who cares anyway if men are faithful (I piteously ask) ? The point is that women should stop trying to ascend to such noble heights themselves, and surrender to their own equally primal, manic urges and ‘just do it,’ safely of course. ‘Safety’ though, in our case, extends way beyond latex covering. Somehow our ‘safety’ must encompass the secret code that our significant others are never ever to suspect that we may be ‘just doing it’ that is because all my friends with penises vociferously attest to the belief that they just aren’t prepared to embrace the idea of another man doing the same or better with their honies.
Regrettable, the word is that men with such programming must be displaced desert dwellers expounding upon a philosophy which boils down to nothing but mental annihilation of a woman’s sexuality. Their pleasure principal is felt to be superior to our own.
And that is where the stinking differences abound; because we are supposedly expected to accept that our significant others are allowed to have other others which, in most cases, means lots of others. My argument does not have any ambitions of making men models of loyalty. Dogs already have that gig and I wouldn’t want to kick my brethren in the teeth by obliging them to further imitate their canine friends “Ey! Who said men were dogs?”
No, my contention is that if and when women choose to satisfy their own egos, it should be just as expected, accepted maybe we could even throw in canonised. Yes, instead of ‘bad seed’ and ‘slut’ – libidinally empowered females should earn names like ‘hardwoman’ ,’diva’ and ‘dangorgonesse’ because only then would the world of sexually freedom spin upon a more balanced axis.
However, since this is the real world, I wonder if we should all go out and have mass clitoral circumcision. Or better yet extract our upper front teeth for oral perfection.
Think about that homeboys. Because when you deny our wills, you might as well deny us our very bodies. Please, just don’t try any of the above on your girlfriends. Women have more recently grown more adept at phallic amputation, thanks to the horners out there who cleared the way. We will just do it and you… well, you’ll just crouch in pain.
After all… a woman needs a man, like a fish needs a bicycle.
Pass the prozac.