Cinda Rella – A Day-Old Folk Tale

The kingdom was agape with anticipation, for the King of the land was having a dread concert, featuring his son, and every young girl in the kingdom was invited. “How nice!” thought Cinda Rella. “I invited too.” But her skettelish step-sisters never thought of her. They had all sorts of jobs for Cinda to do. “Wash dis batty-rider. Crunch mih hair an polish mih clogs when yuh finish.” They both kept shouting, as fast as they could speak. ‘But I have tuh get ready. I goin’ too,” said Cinda. “You !” they hooted. “You could go any concert wit dem clothes ?” And they kept her busy all day.

She worked while they slept and in the evening she helped them ready themselves for the splendiferous event. Soon they left to meet the PTSC shuttles, for only the first two hundred people were granted free transportation to the concert, but there stood Cinda Rella in her workaday rags.

Poor Cinda sat washing the gallery with tears. Suddenly, her tears were rippled by a rumbling base that came from a super-white, convertible BMW, which stopped in front of her gate. It was Fear Ree, her drug-selling god father. “Wha you doin’ on de groun’! Wait nuh, is cry yuh cryin’ ?” After Cinda explained her ordeal to him, he calmed down and put away his nine millimeter pistol. “Doh worry, ah have some brands in de car dat ah was carryin’ fuh a sket down de road. Allyuh look like de same size.” And with a flick of her god father’s cellular phone, a Sunny appeared on the scene and she was off.

As Cinda moved to the front of the thick dance hall injected crowd at the Stadium, stunning the onlookers (including two skettels in particular who didn’t recognize their step sister) with her Nike gulf cap, original Air Jordan uniform and Air Jordan sneakers, she caught the gaze of the King himself. King Shabba summoned the Prince and ordered him on stage that very second.

The crowd became frantic as Prince Buju Banton, made his way to the edge of the stage, microphone in hand. In melodic tones as smooth as sand paper, he began singing the captivating lyrics to his most romantic song, “Girl You Make My Day”, gesticulating to Cinda with all parts of his un-buffed body. As Cinda came near the stage he grabbed hold of her hand and attempted to pull her onto the stage.

This was seen by her step sisters, who by this time were only able to get half drunk, and blind a few people with their shiny, space-like, ‘quick pick” outfits which glowed brightly under the powerful stadium lights. The jealous pair immediately began launching missiles into the air causing a massive riot. Cinda, was caught between the crowd and the stage, and the strong pull of the crowd caused Buju’s grip to grow weak, and Cinda slipped away becoming lost in the rioting crowd, leaving behind only her Jordan’s, which she had worn without the laces as is the current senseless fad.

Buju jumped down and grabbed the sneaker. “Gyal mih serious, mih ah fi get yuh tonight !” chanted the heartbroken Prince. On seeing his son’s true admiration for the pretty, brown-skinned young ting, the king sent for his royal caddie boy, Vanilla Ice. “Gwan go put a ad in D’ Guardian fuh mih. Mek people know dat mih son ah go marrid de gyal who foot fit in de Jordan he now pick up.” said the king.

In no time flat, all the girls of the land knew of the white and black Jordan that would bring the person who could wear it the greatest treasure in the kingdom. Buju, and long lines of Mary-go-rounds filled the streets; each one of them trying to secure the prize at hand. But undaunted Cinda Rella made her way trough the long lines thinking to herself, “I know fuh sure I leave that sneaker there so this was more than wort’ de wait.”

She was second in line when she heard: “Yes. ah win it. Yes. ah have it.” Cinda looked up and prayed that she was having lotto advertisement flashbacks, but alas, it was the skettel that Fear was originally carrying the Jordan for. She had beaten Cinda to it and she immediately began to proclaim her victory to all Skettelville.

And so, Buju married that skettel, Cinda’s skettelling god sisters found two men in the riot that they had already blinded with their clothes, Fear Ree was held in conjunction with the Dole Chadey Murder Case, and Cinda Rella gave up on trying to be a pretty brands girl and resorted to her workaday clothes.

The moral of this story is: Never, ever, never, ever, ever, never go to a concert and play yuh brandsing off in people clothes. You may never know when your shoe falls off.

Quincy Ross